I ate Taco Bell's Beefy Crunch Burrito AND Jack in the Box's Chorizo Chili Cheesy Fries and all you get is this lousy review!

Beefy Crunch Burrito (Taco Bell)
Price: $0.99
Calories: 510
Fat: 20g


Chorizo Chili Cheesy Fries (Jack in the Box)
Price: $1.99
Calories: exact data unavailable, >504
Fat: exact data unavailable, >29g

A week or two ago, while on the way home from work, I was stricken with a case of The Taco Bell Jones and decided that it was high time to try their NEW Beefy Crunch Burrito, because the thought of Flamin' Hot Fritos in a burrito admittedly piqued my interest. I bought two of the 99-cent burritos, along with my usual CrunchWrap Supreme, and I was on my way. As I was driving home and passed the local Jack in the Box, I saw a sign in the window advertising their NEW Chorizo Chili Cheesy Fries, and I knew what I had to do. A lesser man may have decided to put off trying the Chorizo Chili Cheesy Fries, but I was certain that I could take out a side of the fries along with my already-purchased Taco Bell bounty. In fact, it was my civic duty to try these fries right here and right now.

Two dollars and some change later, I had what would qualify as a party, and when I got home, I took on the Beefy Crunch Burritos first. There was no special sauce or anything involved here, just a bunch of already-existing Taco Bell ingredients (Taco Bell's beef meat filling, rice, cheese and sour cream) paired with the aforementioned Flamin' Hot Fritos and wrapped in the standard-size tortilla.

The sum of the parts didn't really create anything new and exciting save for the Flamin' Hots (which, as That Bootleg Guy pointed out in his review, are the latest Frito products to see their way onto Taco Bell's menu, as the restaurant's been offering snack-size bags of Doritos with their value meals, in lieu, thankfully, of the rather insipid rice and Cinnamon Twists). Yes, they do lend some extra flavor to the product, but my biggest problem was the lack of crunch. Unfortunately, stopping at Jack in the Box gave the relatively porous Fritos enough time to absorb enough moisture from the other ingredients, and, in the process lost their integrity almost as quickly as one Vanilla Gorilla. Instead of counting this against Taco Bell, I decided to go back and try them again some other time.

As for the Chorizo Chili Cheesy Fries, make sure the person in the drive-thru gives you a fork, because, as with any good order of chili-and/or-cheese fries, you will need it. For $1.99, I had a portion just big to enough to make for a sufficient side order. For those of you just joining us, Jack in the Box fries have about as much flavor as Taco Bell's rice, so topping it with anything pretty much instantly improves the product. It probably wouldn't have killed them to give me a bit more cheese sauce, though I got a healthy dosage of chorizo chili, which basically tastes like regular chili with an extra kick (and probably an extra couple hundred calories or so). It's not enough for a meal, but luckily I already had my soggy burritos and CrunchWrap to help fill me up. While nothing spectacular, the Chorizo Chili Cheese Fries would complement a Jumbo Jack and order or two of tacos quite nicely, and I would be remiss not to point out they they would make for some good drunk food in the wee hours of the morning as well.

Rating (Chorizo Chili Fries):

Beefy Crunch Burrito Part II

I went back to Taco Bell last week to give the Beefy Crunch Burrito another shot, and this time, I wasn't going to be stopping anywhere else on the way home. Again, I ordered two of the burritos and my CrunchWrap, and about ten minutes later I was home for round two to begin. While the texture of the Fritos lends a nice contrast to the other soft ingredients, I still couldn't help but notice that they had gotten a bit soggy in the ten minutes it took to drive home. I even blew a couple of red lights and hit an ice cream vendor on the way, but I still couldn't get my fucking Fritos at optimal crunchiness.

Yes, I imagine they hold up better than Taco Bell's generic crunchy tortilla strips, but I think that Flamin' Hot Cheetos would probably hold up a lot better. Plus, I think just about everyone with a soul prefers the Cheetos to the Fritos anyway. Anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and possibly worse than Hitler. Yes, the flavor's pretty good, but I shouldn't have to eat the damn burrito in the Taco Bell dining room in order to be able to experience the Beefy Crunch Burrito in its maximum crunchiness, so I think they've got some work to do before I order this item again.

Rating (Beefy Crunch Burrito):

(Image appropriated for demonstrative purposes from TacoBell.com)